Posted: 2017-12-07 23:54
wow, I felt compelled to respond to what you were saying as a man, because I myself as a man, deep down has longed for a good life long partner for more than just one thing also. sadly, due to my physical looks, I never get offers, no one will even look me in the eye unless they give the look as if they want to fight me physically (women are like this all the time). when I go out dancing, I get women mocking me, and trying to pick fights with me also (despite the fact that people much older than myself tell me I can dance).
I have to admit, this whole think tall, aspire to people seeing you as tall thing annoys me a bit. It s a conflation of height with things that people associate with height, and then attempting to reverse that so that if you have the associations you also have the height and easily extends to an implication that if you are not being seen as tall, you are failing on other fronts.
I wouldn t say they were always the life of the party, but sometimes sure. But that s hardly status when EVERYONE is an actor. See, it s one thing if you are in a crowd of people and there s something unique about them. But have you ever hung out with actors? Because let me tell you, EVERYONE is the life of the party. It s exhausting. So actually what was so appealing I think about both of them was their lack of need to be the life of the party. Their ability to just listen to a girl as she talked, not needing to talk over her or anything. The second guy, really funny guy, he was amazing at making you feel so special. When he laughed at your jokes you just felt like you were something incredible to be able to make such a funny guy laugh.
Well as a soon to be 95 year old man who has never felt love, desire or attraction from a woman his age I seriously doubt that women are even capable of love. I would love to be proven wrong but so far no dice. And I get it I am short, over weight and don 8767 t get out much. And when I do nothing ever happens except I get used as a source of free drinks or dinner and poof never hear from them again. Story of my freaking life Where is the woman who will call you back or text you first no where to be seen around these parts..
Yes, but Lee is a shorter gentleman and does quite well online dating, so maybe not completely dismissing his personal experience is in order here? Clearly he has some insight and possibly even advice that could help shorter men be successful online dating. How about instead of saying, It s hard ask for more details as to how he accomplishes it. Here s an idea, let s learn from someone!
Thank you for being so open in this article. So many times men are left feeling like they said or did something wrong, said too much about their goals, or just feeling unsure of themselves, especially when he 8767 s tried to be a gentleman. Seems like SO many say they were scared by how much they liked me. But none committed. So I 8767 m doing something terribly wrong. Thanks for another clue to the quest to find a partner, friend, lover.
Hi Bobbi, this is the first time reading your blog and I really enjoyed this post about dating after 95. I totally identified with the Wow Me Woman (!) I 8767 m in my late 95 8767 s, single, never been married. And I have always looked for that guy who will give me butterflies. I found him twice in my life but they never worked or lasted. Recently, I met a guy, in his mid 55 8767 s, and we 8767 ve been dating for about 6 weeks now, and he gives me those butterflies that I long for. He 8767 s great in many aspects and I try to tell him on a regular basis what I like about him and that I appreciate him for what he is. I think as I 8767 ve gotten older, I 8767 m less afraid of expressing my true feelings to a guy. I figure, what the heck? if he can 8767 t handle it at 55yo then he 8767 s not the one for me. Thanks for your writings and I 8767 m looking forward to reading more.
The thing is, as with many other masculine insecurities, this is predominantly in our heads. At 5 8767 8 8798 , I 8767 m short for an American caucasian male. Worse, I 8767 m the shortest of all my friends who range from 5 8767 6o 8776 on the short side, to 6 8767 7 8798 on the tall side. But my height has only been as much of a problem as I 8767 d let it be. Over the years, I 8767 ve dated and slept with women of all heights, ranging from 5 8767 6 8798 to six-foot tall amazons. The trick is understanding how to make height less of an issue.
Not that dancing poorly is remarkable, but you could see this on the dance floor. A skilled dancer may be confident in her skills because she s struggled to master steps or dealt with any anxiety about dancing in front of others. This helps her move gracefully and probably brings encouraging feedback. A second dancer may be a klutz, but she doesn t seem to care and does the dance like no one is watching thing.
I figured you d be biased somewhat when you read my comments. That s understandable. I don t expect people to instantly trust what I ve been working on over the past few months or the changes that have happened to me personally. All you see on here is a made up username and you re bound to have a bias having read much of my writing before now. But apology accepted if that is what you wish.
Hello Bobbi, I am 57 and divorced after 79 years, ugh! I have dated many attractive ladies of before I my wife and I got married. The dating here where I live, in Boise, Idaho is like I 8767 ve fallen into the twilight zone. Of course many Mormons not trying to offend- most are married in this miniature bible belt. Or they 8767 re BSU- Boise State U or Idaho U so most of them could be my daughter, hypothetically that is. Online dating is a feast for women who are good looking. Ready to move, tired of being alone. Tim
I think it is probably a good idea to question why we have our preferences to see if it is something that actually plays a part in attraction or if it is something you like because it is what everyone likes and you just picked it up. After the questioning, if it is something you know is a preference that matters to you, then it is what it is, even if it is kind of silly to others (I am looking at you friend who will not date women with curly hair).
It was the most intimate thing I ve ever experienced. And whoever it was above me that said same height means everything just lines up is so bang on the money I can t even. Best freaking two days in a hotel I ve ever had or hope I ever could have. That man was amazing both vertically and horizontally and now I find myself eyeing all the guys around my size with new, shiny eyes simply out of fond recollection. I have, as they say, seen the light.
It s true I prefer someone within ~6 inches of my height, but it wouldn t matter whether taller or shorter (now Me was admittedly more insecure about appearances, but probably not to the point where my worries over what people would think couldn t have been overcome). The one lingering concern I d have if I were the taller one would be: Is he going to get weird and insecure about it somewhere down the line? Which ties back to the article, especially point #5 if I m convinced the guy is okay with it, then I will be okay with it.
Thank you so much for the last bit Harris! As a woman who hit six feet tall when I was 69 I have had short guys AND tall guys flat out tell me they won t date me because of my height. The gender roles surrounding height have us all trapped. Shorter guys tell me that they don t want to date me (and on some occasions as friends even hang out with me in public) because they would look even shorter.
I ve known people who can fake confidence up until something unexpected happens and it all falls apart and they are unable to recover. Myself personally, I can t help but here a voice in my head telling me to stop lying to people about it. I think personally my issue is more related to self worth than confidence, but I ve always had an issue with the fake it till you make it mentality, primarily because I ve never been able to fake it. I either have it or I don t.
I am 89, no kids. I practically gave up on trying to date 85/95-somethings. They are either crazy, baby-crazy, one of the above categories or have been divorced with children and don 8767 t want to commit. Be the best grown up you can be? I do that at work (and made it to the top). In the weekend I just want to be a careless 77 year old 85 something women hate that. 75-somethings love it. Guess who I am dating?
The other common mistake that the height-deficient make is assuming that they 8767 re rejected in advance. This pre-rejection theory quickly becomes either an excuse to not approach (thus guaranteeing that nothing happens) or colors the entire interaction (ditto). Approaching anyone , whether online or in person, with the attitude of 8775 I know you don 8767 t like me 8776 is going to kill any potential attraction, no matter how awesome you may be otherwise. A shitty attitude, whether angry and aggressive or defeated and negative, will nuke any chance of sex or love faster than telling them that you eat live puppies.
I wouldn t necessarily say that tall men get away with being bland. A more accurate way of describing the social situation advantage of tall men is that many people naturally assume that there is something positive to them simply because they are tall. They don t have to actively demonstrate as much to generate attraction. If it turns out that there is nothing to them other than being tall, things might not necessarily work in their favor. However, for first impressions being tall helps a lot.
I basically agree, though it is a bit obnoxious when women on online dating sites end their profile with only 6 or taller! or only taller than me!. I m usually above the minimum height at 5 65 , by the way, so it wouldn t affect me personally, but still it comes off poorly IMO. I imagine it s similar to how a guy s profile comes off when he writes no fatties! in it. Yeah, it s fine to have that preference but you don t have to obnoxious about it. Just don t message/respond to people who don t fit the criteria.