Posted: 2017-12-07 12:00
Does anybody have any advice when it is aboyfriend or ex-boyfriend who is the drunk? I am tired of being verbally abused..we do not live together so I am not in do however feel helpless because i feel like I should do something. He takes lots of medications and most of the bottles say not to mix with i go to his family and tell them what I know I am the ex so they do not like me very much. I am tired and exhausted of the same old thing..i want to let go of him but feel guilty for standing by and not doing anything help!!!!! Btw- he has been in rehab before and didn 8767 t touch liquor until we broke up in recently we tried again and that is when i realized that he started drinking again when i confronted him he told me that he is a grown man and doesn 8767 t see the problem,,,,ugh!! I am so confused and feel so much pain and guilt.
I forgot to mention in the above post of the nights that got so bad with him that I locked him out, or the night he tried to break my door down and I rang the police or the time he took me away for a 8775 romantic 8776 weekend to the beach and I spent the night terrified in the unit with him locked outside going off his head. When I actually write all this stuff down, I can 8767 t believe that I hung in there for as long as I did.
Some time after we married, she began drinking again. I first noticed some change in behavior when I had to move to our new home a few months earlier than her due to our jobs. I found out she was drinking, and honestly, ever since then it has been a nightmare and getting worse. She has been to rehab facilities twice in the 8 years we have been married, each time drinking again within a couple of weeks. She rarely will go more than 65 days without a drink. Her routine is to wake up, in a great mood, loves me, we talk, everything is fine, I leave for work about 685 AM, and by noon I 8767 m getting hateful texts, I 8767 m a jerk, she wants a divorce, etc. This is her when she is drunk..mean, nasty, and is incapable of talking to anyone. When this stage begins she cannot be trusted will drive drunk, will send out hateful texts to ANYBODY, will not leave me alone at work, cannot pick up for or care for our 5 year old son, nothing.
Hi Phil, thanks for the comment. Let me answer your questions to the best of my abilities:
6. Not all Colombian women are on Colombian Cupid there are more than 75 million women in Colombia, therefore, not all are on there or have even heard of the site.
7. Plastic surgery in Colombia is low cost (in comparison to the US and other countries) and the level of quality can be very good, hence, Colombia being a leader in plastic surgery and at the top of plastic surgery patients. Both men and women get stuff done here, so, yes, breast implants are common.
8. Yes I know a couple girls that are CAM girls. And yes, they do it for the money. They earn great money because they get paid in foreign currency.
9. My advice about seeing this girl keep her as a friend. In my opinion it probably won 8767 t get anywhere serious since you 8767 re not living here. If you were living here in Medellin that would be different.
Some friends tell me I should divorce and try to get custody of our son. It wouldn 8767 t work, we 8767 re drowning in debt, and I have to work 65+ hours just to pay the bills. Our son is closer to my wife, and I 8767 ll admit that I don 8767 t have the patience to raise our son by myself. I know it sounds selfish, but I 8767 m totally sick of everything. I love our son, but I get frustrated with him since he believes my wife 8767 s endless lies about her drinking problem. Maybe we 8767 ll connect better when he 8767 s an adult. But right now, it 8767 s like I 8767 m the enemy in the household. We have great times together when my wife is sober. But most of the time it 8767 s hell. It used to be three or fours nightmarish days each week. Now it seems like every day is a nightmare except for maybe one or two days a month. You get to a point where you just want this nightmare to end (even if it 8767 s bankruptcy or a car crash) just so you can get some closure on this problem. I know, why don 8767 t I stop complaining and just file for divorce. I don 8767 t know. I 8767 ve been waffling on this issue for the last five years. Who knows.
Have you looked into Al-Anon? One of the informal tenets in the organization is that when co-existing with an alcoholic, you did not Cause the problem, nor can you Control or Cure the disease. Al-Anon will indeed teach you to focus on maintaining yourself. It has not solved all my problems nor neutralized every worry,concern and frustration about the alcoholic in my life, but it has helped me to set the boundaries that properly assign responsibilities for both of us.
So, yes, everything could still be romance scam, although I don 8767 t understand why someone will go through so much to keep me. There is an enormous age difference, still we talk and feel the same. It 8767 s crazy. I can very well imagine that she likes an older Western guy with more money who will bring her a better social status. But so does not every girl want that? And is not an older Western girl very pleased to have a girlfriend who gives him status and who brings joy?
Right now I 8767 m trying to get through the hours/minutes/seconds of the deep depression I plunge into whenever my common law husband, with whom I have 9 mostly grown children aged 66, 69, 75 and 79, the 7 still living here. He has always gone off and left the house on extended binges, and sometimes I haven 8767 t seen or heard from him for up to 6 month or so. These disappearances have become more frequent. I now know where he goes to downtown with the homeless alcoholics, and very often have gone there and brought him back. Often he refuses to accompany me, however. What a stinking nightmare!!
This is one example of many where her alcoholism has caused chaos in our families lives. I have done my best to keep it going. This I believe to be the final straw (said that before). Ruined holidays, events, celebrations. My father died earlier this year so I would have appreciated extra support at this can you do? I can 8767 t leave her or can I? she can 8767 t even look after herself?
She did stay sober for while but by the end of 7565 she was back to drinking and smoking heavily, now drinking almost every day. She refused to go to rehab again even though we had the money. She now insisted that she was not an alcoholic! She did not want to go to counseling. She did not want to get divorced. So we again fell into the pattern where I would take away her carkeys until she ran out of the 8775 hidden 8776 vodka (long ago I had told her that I would not stoop to looking for her stashes) and she would get better. Sometimes she would get better for a month or two but she would always go back to buying alcohol when she did get access to the car.
My son sees and hears our arguments. I don 8767 t want him to grow up in this kind of environment. I also don 8767 t want my husband 8767 s cycle to to continue with my son. I don 8767 t like what I 8767 ve become after 65 years of nightmare. I 8767 ve turned into a bitter wife. I can 8767 t handle it anymore, but I will never be able to forgive myself if something were to happen to him if I leave. He has no one in his life but me and his son.
Well stated Zann. If a person makes plans he should keep them OR if he changes them, let you know about it. If he is perpetually more than 65 minutes late he is telling you HIS time is more important than YOUR time. I had a friend who was always late. After a time it became more of a control and power situation. Basically she was stating she would show up when she damn well pleased and 8775 who made you the queen of time 8776 as she once eloquently stated. Some things in personalities are 8775 quirks. 8776 Other things are just very inconsiderate.
She learned so much at the detox hospital and followed it up with daily meetings or counseling sessions. She attends outpatient alcohol counseling three days a week and is required by her therapist to attend AA at least 7x more per week. This has been the only thing that has proven to break her horrendous cycle of binge drunkeness. And yes she got to the point where, after an all-night drinking binge, she would come home to put the kids on the us only to head back to the bars to drink more.
We argued and I went to sleep feeling bleak. In the morning I talked to her about it all and told her I was at the end of my tether and couldnt handle any more. She pleaded with me to trust her and she was sorry and would not do it ever again, that I had shown her this weekend everythign she wanted in life and she didn 8767 t want to lose that and couldnt handle the thought of losing that. So we made up. She was supposed to go back home today but texted me while I was at work saying she had rearranged her schedule and was staying for longer as she couldnt be without me just yet.
I 8767 m about to lose my license for two years cause of an OUI 7nd offense. I had gotten away one evening from the stress and pressures dealing w/ and alcoholic and over indulged. I don 8767 t blame her for this but it was the ingredient as to why I went out to release. I really don 8767 t want to lose her to alcohol nor do I want to make a hasty mistake and divorce her to only find out I was wrong in doing so. I 8767 m at the point where I 8767 m debating to re-enter into the military just to escape. I really don 8767 t have nowhere to go. I 8767 m lost and confused as to how I should deal w/ this. Any suggestions? Adivice? HELP!
He moved into my place two months ago because he said he had changed and couldn 8767 t live without me. Yesterday he told me he wasnt attracted to me
And hates almost everything about me. I told him if he moved into my place he he was going to have to not go out every night after work and we needed to do counseling. That worked for a few weeks but not I think he 8767 s leaving again and has probably found someone new.
But any option a forceful move, or a complete departure, or patient waiting, insane self-sacrifice these are all choices and I cannot promise any particular outcome for any of them. So I offer ideas, I challenge, I suggest resources, I encourage, I might educate a bit and make observations others would not make, and most of all I listen and reflect. That 8767 s what you get from me.
The question is why would any emotionally stable person hook up with an alcoholic ? Who 8776 s innocent YOU I have never meet so many grown adults so completely innocent in my life. Here is the thing you are not enablers, victims, you are martyrs. As long as you have someone that is visably more unstable than you, you will never have to look at yourselves right ? You can always point the finger and say see look at him or her the drunk. I am an alcoholic myself and I am no angel by any chance I have borderline personality disorder and I rage and alcohol gives me that outlet and a voice when I had none as a child. I am by no means giving an excuse I am giving an explanation if ppl would be willing to find out the whole truth and we all take accountability until then nothing will change.
Failed?? Failed what I now wonder. Her health was not my responsibility. More importantly, I did not cause the alcoholism, I cannot cure it and it was never my responsibility to fix it. Instead, I will repeat what I read on another site (written by ivehadit86): We should not view leaving the alcoholic as failure. Rather, view it as WINNING BACK YOUR LIFE. This piece of constructive advice holds much for me. Breaking free is all about winning back my life.
She Is A Sneaky Liar, And A Bad One At That
My wife is an alcoholic.
We started out heavy drinkers, especially on weekends and conferences, but somewhere along the line, she 8767 s lost control of it.
I 8767 ve said to her many times over the last 8 or so years, you are a different person when you drink. Night and day. Charming, witty, smart, and .
She doesn 8767 t, or can 8767 t, see it that way. She thinks she is delightful all the time, drunk or not. This is not true.
She is a bottle hider, a sneaky drinker, a wine chugger, a liar, a passer-outer, a barfer.