Posted: 2017-12-08 02:15
What I learned from carrying out an interview of a female and the interview of a male trying to dig into this intriguing subject was that using the Internet for dating is equally painful for men and for women, but for very different reasons. Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person &ndash you&rsquo d probably have 9 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night.
Your second example shows that this person defines himself by what he does not who he is. He apparently doesn t know much about himself. Lacking a little in self confidence. Although he does express some of his interests but not specific enough. I ask, who doesn t like BBQ s? Most people like to go for walks or hiking the only difference is the scenery. Watching baseball?? would that be on TV or going to baseball games. There is a big difference. So I would have to say just about anybody could be a possible match for this person. I agree it generically boring.
As far as attractive women not responding to messages - the anonymity of the keyboard and screen have emboldened hordes of men to approach these women, when in the past the scummy ones would''ve just been the guy in the corner of the bar staring, the guy randomly bumping and grinding on women on the dancefloor, but their masses would''ve been guys just sitting at home, in their basement, peeling wings off flies or whatever. But the internet and online dating have bridged "desire" and "action" so that with virtually zero effort, lots of socially-maladjusted misogynist a-holes can dump their trash anywhere without the consequences they''d face trying to do it in person. So I do think that women are embittered by the vast deluge of BS they have to sift through, and it drowns the more nobly-purposed attempts.
I''ve yet to find a real dating site. What is missing from all these sites is the social aspect. almost has it. They have their "events", but they are few and far apart. A dating site should be where people.. wait for it.. TALK. interact, have people exchange their opinions and see if they are compatible. Hell, even have them play some games together as ice breakers. Instead of have this computer assume that just because you like Rock n Roll and she likes Jazz that you can''t be together. We are a complex creature, we want to be challenged. We want to learn and get new experiences. Maybe he will love Jazz, maybe she''ll love Rock. Maybe they will never love each other''s music, but they will love each other because of their deep secret love for Captain Crunch cereal! However, without trying, or interacting, we will not know. Is there a risk? Of course, there is a risk at love. But, all good things come with a bit of risk after all. The faster people accept this, the faster you will find what you are looking for.
I am not so much about looks or status myself. Trust me, I have quickly moved on to the next page with six-pack man, successful businessman etc. I personally find it really hard to find men that write a decent profile. I''m not saying they are not out there, I am just saying I have found it hard to find. I have found just a lot of simple profiles. I guess most men on dating sites are not my type. Not that they are bad, but they are just not my type and it shows because most men don''t contact me either.
What do you do for fun?
It 8767 s a generic question that breeds generic answers, and doesn&rsquo t really give you additional insight into who I am. Asking me what I &ldquo do for fun&rdquo kind of makes me feel like I&rsquo m on an interview, not a date. Some of you may be thinking that this question means the guy is trying to plan a future date for us. I really wish you were right, but that&rsquo s what makes this question extra annoying: The same guys who ask me what I to do for fun will turn around in two weeks, and ask me what I would like to do for our first date, even though I&rsquo ve given them a list of things I do for fun. It makes no sense to me!
In all reality, the odds are FAR better to actually meet someone at a bar, as much as we say we hate it. Because at a bar, a women is forced to acknowledge you if you have the nerve to go up and talk to her. Sure, she can still dismiss you and shut you down (or worse embarrass you). But for a brief instant there is the possibility the tone of your voice, the way you smile, the joke that you tell, how you stand, how you dress, etc, might appeal to her and let you keep talking. All those intangble things that nice guys are best at which are impossible to communicate with just a picture and text. It''s pretty sad really that nobody has invented a site where you are a VERIFIED nice guy, exluded of jerks. A safe place where women can go. Women who also are VERIFIED to be looking for what they say they are.
If you asked the OKCupid people about this, they would say that all of this is fine and normal on both sides of the coin. Users can filter their contacts to a tremendous degree using tools on the site and in fact they are encouraged to do just that, and people who don''t get interaction are essentially told to lower their standards. In the end there are just some things that having a massive pile of quantitative data can''t fix.
I’ve been traveling throughout South America for the past three years, after working for Americorp teaching English. Getting to know so many other people and cultures has been a truly amazing experience but… I missed home! So now I’m back with more stories to tell and a whole lot of decisions to make about what I want to do next. It’s an exciting time and I’m stoked to soak up more experiences and get to know more people. Plus, I cannot tell you how much I missed a good burger. Delicious!
It needs to be faced that a long term match for those of us who know what we want are going to be 6% if that of the on-line pool. Because for me (I''m gay) a man who responds with a thought out message, has a well thought out profile, or strikes first says something about them as a person. They are not timid, they have self-confidence, they can write, they considerate enough to reply and all of these traits translate to traits in real life.
You should probably know that I somehow manage to spill guacamole on myself every time I eat it, which is often. If you can get past that, you’ll probably enjoy getting to know me. I’m a nurse practitioner and I absolutely love my job and my patients. It’s hard work, but I bring a lot of energy to what I do and always have some leftover to get into trouble on the weekends at my fav. local bar. (If you play your cards right, maybe we can meet there.)
(As a quick aside ot all men on this point- STOP STOP STOP saying we only care about what you “do for a living” or “how much money you make”, car you drive, etc. Just STOP. 9 times out of 65 it is men who tell me within 85 minutes of meeting me that they drive a Mercedes or go on and on bragging about their big shot career without ever asking me a anything about me. Also, “nice guys” (whatever you mean by that) do not always finish last. What you are referring to as a “nice guy” is not the same thing, I think. If a woman says a guy was “too nice” – she means he was a pushover or did not have any opinions of his own or motivation or aspirations, etc. There’s a difference. A true nice guy, in our minds is a man who treats us with mutual respect, And those guys are cherished and sought after, not overlooked. Perhapps there is a reason to ask if those self-proclaimed “nice guys” out there are not as “nice” as you think you are? Or, if you are, maybe you are not allowing that to shine through in your profile somehow? Just a thought. Please get it straight, please).
My 67 year old daughter heard the guy fixing the kitchen sink talking and laughing with me. She came out after he left and said 8775 Was that guy in his twenties or something? 8776 I smiled and said no, but it seemed kind of like he was flirting, huh and then told her I 8767 m not sure what I 8767 m not supposed to do though 8776 Just do what feels right mom 8776 I smiled. It was her way of saying if he 8767 s the right edge, just go for it.
I honestly think a lot of the problem has to do the massive amount of attention the women receive. They might claim everyone on there is "creepy," but I think the problem lies more with the fact that they receive so much constant attention, that those of us who are decent just simply get lost in the shuffle. The girls I work with use online dating basically describe it like looking through a catalog. They constantly get bombarded with messages, they quickly glance at the profile, make a quick (often shallow) judgment, and then move on to the next one. Some have been on the site for several years now and I feel that the more attention they receive, the more unrealistic their standards become. It reaches a point where I''m not sure that ANY guy is good enough for what these women are looking for.
Good response. The reality is that the world is a diverse place and everyone is different. Look at the mentalities of the commenters here. Many differing viewpoints, and certainly many who would argue theirs over others. Everyone has a different philosophy and you have to find someone that is aligned with yours. The only way to do that is put yourself out there and make no apologies. However, my suggestion would be to have someone else read your profile that has no stake in the game, to act as editor to make sure you don 8767 t come across sounding defective. Too many people list their requirements and too often they come across as seeming difficult, having too high expectation, or a little off their rocker.
Now I''d ask that you reconsider your question. If your question was based upon a society of equals who were all knowledgeable, reasonable, autonomous and yet cooperative we could easily reason that people would treat each other with kindness and respect. However we''ve created a system of inequality in which the common citizen holds little if any power and instead lives by the whims of society at large. This system promotes competition as it is undeniably preferable to gain power and move up the social ladder.
In comparison to the work nice guys have to do, women (particularly average to good looking women) absolutely do appear to have all the advantages. Average nice guys are competing for attention from the creeps, the jerks, the ugly guys, the good looking guys, the hookup bad boys, even other women. All the cards are stacked against us. It''s like a message in a bottle or winning the lottery to catch them at just the right time at just the right moment to get a response.
Women want tall, fit, masculine, ambition, big dick, social competence. It''s not difficult to figure out. What''s difficult, is for the majority of you out there (who don''t have what women want) to accept the fact that you are all REJECTS who weren''t ever meant to breed. Cut your nuts off. Die. Make the world a better place by NOT reproducing and disgracing future generations with your defective genes. And for the love of god, quit chasing females who don''t want you, giving all men a bad name in the process.
It 8767 s true to an extent but you can 8767 t automatically assume that just because someone says she likes to travel, she is materialistic. First, who doesn 8767 t like to travel? We all do. Secondly, this doesn 8767 t mean that she expects you to pay for everything or for her share. Lastly, there are different types of travel some are very costly, while others don 8767 t require that much money. Not every vacation requires a 65 hour flight and a luxury hotel. A quick getaway in a car for a night or two can also be considered a getaway.
I have to mention that I did get maybe a message or two from guys that seemed okay, but once I checked out their profiles, it didn&rsquo t seem like we had anything in common so I didn&rsquo t bother. That&rsquo s one of the issues I see with online dating though. Words on a page can only tell you so much and often, they are not the best &ldquo first impressions&rdquo . Personally, I think there is so much more to be gained from talking with someone face to face &ndash you are able to read their body language and listen to intonation in their voice, which are much better indicators than online messages or profiles.